


Wait.

by sleeplesscontinuum



Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:29:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplesscontinuum/pseuds/sleeplesscontinuum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is a misfit who is in a perpetual state of drunkenness. Thor is his football-playing jock brother that everybody loves.<br/>The two have a complicated relationship, and neither knows where they stand with one another. Pushing one another, just bend to break.<br/>Fandral is Thor's best friend, and develops a crush which complicates things even further.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Don't Love You Like I Love You

/Wait, they don’t love you like I love you, wait/  
MAPS - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

“Where- where are you going?” Loki slurred, making a desperate grab for Thor’s forearm.

“To call Fandral. He’ll drive you home,” Thor replied, shaking his head, “I’ve got a game tonight. I don’t have time for this,”

Thor dug his phone from the pocket of his jacket, a red and gold letterman jacket given to those on the football team. He was their golden boy, their not-so-secret weapon, the quarterback. That summed up the view in the Odinson household as well. Thor was the perfect son, he could do no wrong in the eyes of their father. Then there was Loki. Loki, synonymous with trouble, the misfit, the one that their father didn’t talk about unless it was specifically bought up in conversation. As far as most people were concerned, there was only one son in that household.

“Wait,” Loki mumbled, barely above a whisper.

Thor turned slowly, and glanced at his brother. Loki’s moss-green blazer was rumpled and his tight button-up shirt was clinging to his skin due to a slight damp sweat. Where had Loki even been? Thor didn’t want to know.

Loki fumbled with the drink in his hand, and swayed a little. 

“Brother, you are drunk-” Thor began, but stopped as Loki approached him.

Loki’s every step seeming like an arduous task for him, all his effort focused on trying not to trip over his own feet. His eyes, half-closed, seem to be completely useless at this point, as his vision was so blurred he’d taken to covering one eye with his hand just to attempt to glance at Thor.

“They don’t love you like I love you,” Loki choked out, slumping his shoulders forward as though he were trying to shrink away.

“Loki,” Thor muttered, shaking his head, “I think you must sleep off this-“

“No. No-no, no, you- you listen to me. Just for once in your life, just listen to me,” Loki slurred, leaning his body weight against Thor, “Just once, hear what I’m saying to you,”

Thor groaned, “Brother, you’re embarrassing yourself,”

“So what? There’s no-one else here to see it,” Loki replied, resting his forehead against Thor’s shoulder.

“J-just know, no matter what, I’ll always love you more than anyone else ever could,” Loki mumbled against Thor’s shirt, “Just know that. Even though you think you can do better than me - and I know you could - they won’t ever love you like I do,”

“That’s enough, Loki. Stop it,”

Loki shook his head and grunted in response.


	2. What's This About?

Thor finally manages to pull away from Loki long enough to make the phone call, and Fandral agrees to be there as soon as he can.

Thor shoves his phone back into his pocket, and goes to check on Loki. He finds his brother curled up, knees to his chest, in the corner of the room. There’s tears staining his face, and he’s not even bothering to wipe them away any more.

Thor sighs, and the sinking feeling in his stomach is so blatantly obvious that he can’t ignore it. He stoops to the ground and leans his back against the wall, Loki glances up briefly then turns away again.

“What’s this about?” Thor asks, trying to wrestle the near-empty bottle of straight vodka from his brother’s hand.

“Nothing,” Loki groans, snatching back the bottle and gulping the last of it. He squints at the taste, biting back the bitterness. He keeps his eyes squeezed tight, and nods forward. His forehead rests on his knees and he moans in protest to the sick feeling in his stomach.

“Come on, Fandral will be here soon to take you home,” Thor says, shoving his elbow into Loki’s side in an attempt to keep him awake.

“Don’t want to go,” Loki slurs, “I wanna stay with you,”

“You can’t,” Thor says, pulling Loki to his feet. 

Thor shrugs off his prized football jacket and drapes it over Loki’s shoulders, but Loki let’s it fall to the ground.

“I’m not wearing that thing,” Loki mumbles, kicking it aside.

“What’s wrong with you?” Thor sighs, because he’s tired of this routine. 

Loki ignores him, he sways and Thor catches him mid-fall. His hands rest against Loki’s chest and Thor can smell at least three different types of alcohol on his brother’s breath. He considers asking where he even got that much liquor from, but decides now isn’t the time.

Loki’s hands wander over Thor’s torso, digging into the dips of his ribs and softly massaging his chest. Thor twitches against Loki’s fingertips as they burn like fire through his tight, white shirt. 

“Don’t fucking do that!” Thor shouts, slapping at Loki’s hand, “What’s wrong with you?!” he shouts, shoving Loki away.

Loki frowns, and draws his hand back toward his own chest. An ugly expression paints his face, mouth twisted in a malevolent manner and eyes darkening. Loki stumbles off, gripping the wall for support.


	3. What Were You Thinking?

Finally, Fandral shows up. He stands in the doorway, hips cocked in skin-tight jeans, and exhales his cigarette smoke before throwing it to the ground. He crushes it on the doorstep under his buckled Chelsea boot.

“Loki,” Thor shouts, not daring to even look at Loki, “Fandral’s here,” 

In his drunken haze, Loki’s shirt has rolled up to reveal an exposed, flat stomach, and he refuses to pull the shirt back down.

Loki feels Fandral’s fingers pressing against his skin, and he is so desperate for any human contact he doesn’t care who it’s from. He reaches up and loops his arms around Fandral’s neck and inhales the scent. He mutters something inaudible against the skin that stretches over Fandral’s protruding collarbone.

“Puke in my car, and I’ll punch you,” Fandral jokes, as he buckles the seatbelt and his fingers brush Loki’s chest.

Loki grunts, and pulls Fandral’s down to him by the collar of his flannel shirt. His fingers loop in the faded blue fabric, and he sloppily kisses Fandral. Loki’s not even focusing on what he’s doing, because he doesn’t care. He just wants to be near someone, just wants to close his eyes and taste anyone.

Fandral momentarily kisses back, and then pulls away abruptly. He wipes his mouth on the back of his own hand and shakes his head.

“No,” he murmurs, still shaking his head and quickly backing away, “No, Loki,”

Loki shrugs, he couldn’t care less to be honest.

Fandral glanced over at the doorway, but Thor had already returned indoor, and he sighed in relief.

“What were you thinking?” Fandral hissed, climbing into the driver’s seat.

Loki shrugs again, and passes out against the window.


	4. Why Are You So Intent On Destroying Yourself?

Loki wakes in a still-drunken fog and stumbles through what he realizes is Fandral’s flat.

He makes his way to the kitchen, and finds a bottle of Jack in cupboard. He uncaps the bottle and gulps it down, then wanders to Fandral’s bedroom.

The door creaks, as he shoves it open, and watches as Fandral sits up and fumbles for the lamplight on the bedside table.

A faint light fills the room, and Loki crawls from the end of the bed and lands with a thud beside Fandral.

“Are you drinking again?” Fandral asks, gesturing at the bottle in Loki’s hand.

Loki takes a large swig and shrugs his shoulders.

“Give me that! It’s eight in the morning,” Fandral says, snatching the bottle. He places is on the bedside table and shakes his head. He reaches up to Loki’s face, and cradles his cheek gently, “Why are you so intent on destroying yourself?”

“I wanna see Thor,” Loki mumbles, “Drive me?”

“Not right now,” Fandral replies, “Later,”

Loki huffs like a child, and reaches over Fandral to grab the whiskey. He hurriedly swallows down as much of it as he can before Fandral seizes the bottle. 

Fandral places the bottle on the ground beside the bed, and restrains Loki with his other arm. Loki feels his wrists crush together, as he wriggles against the Fandral’s grip.

“Fuck off,” Loki grunts, wrestling his arms free.

Fandral puts his hand on Loki’s thigh, and gives him a soft smile, “You want to talk about this?”

“No,” Loki replies, sharply, “Take me to see Thor,”

“Loki, I told you, I’ll take you soon,” Fandral said softly.

“Now!” he growls, “I want to see Thor now!”


	5. And What Do People Say?

“Why do you always have to be around him?” Fandral says, “People talk, you know,”

“And what do ‘people’ say?” Loki asks, scowling.

“You two are…maybe too close,” Fandral replies quietly.

“Mind your own fucking business,” Loki growls, and slaps him. Hard.

There’s an audible clapping sound as Loki’s open hand collides with Fandral’s cheekbone. Fandral inhales sharply, and Loki is silent for some time.

Loki watches, with wide eyes, as Fandral rubs the reddening hand-print that now plasters his cheek.

Loki can see the perfect outline of his palm and fingers on Fandral’s face. He should feel bad, he should apologize, but he doesn’t. He just sits in silence, and stares at the raised, raw skin.

“Sorry,” Fandral eventually murmurs, “I shouldn’t have said that. Thor is your brother, and that’s disgusting. I’m sorry,”

Loki looks away, he doesn’t know how to answer that. If that’s how Thor’s best friend would react to it, then Loki can only imagine how much worse the reactions of strangers could be. 

“I didn’t fucking touch him,” Loki announces, bluntly, though it’s a lie.

“Who?” Fandral asks, looking confused.

“Thor,” Loki replies, picking at his onyx nail polish to avoid making eye contact.

There’s an uncomfortable silence in the room, and Loki would do anything to break the tension.

He leans over and smashes his lips to Fandral’s. It’s a careless kiss, but Loki has a talented tongue and within seconds has Fandral moaning. The moan is deep and breathy, Loki swallows it back down his throat. His tongue glides over Fandral’s lips, pausing to bite and suck on the bottom lip.

This causes Fandral to groan and raise his hips up, begging to be fucked. The sheets tent over his groin, and it occurs to Loki that Fandral’s probably just sleeping in boxers. Loki, being a lover of mischief, sneaks a hand under the covers. His hand grazes satin fabric, and Fandral rolls his head back and hits it against the wall. Barely a touch and he’s like putty in Loki’s hands. A smirk creeps onto Loki’s face, there’s something about the power he feels being able turn Fandral into a begging mess.

“Fuck,” Fandral groans, bucking up against Loki’s hand.

“Take me to see Thor,” Loki demands, pulling his hand away.

“Seriously? You do that,” Fandral whines, gesturing at his half-hard cock, “And then you talk about your brother?”

Loki shrugged, and clambered from the bed.

“Take me to my brother,” Loki repeats, in the same bossy tone.

“Fine,” Fandral grunts and bites back a string of curse words, blush burning his face as he tries to will away his hard-on, “Let me take a shower first,”


	6. How Did You Get This Way?

Loki barges through the door, and bolts up the stairs. He throws Thor’s bedroom door open so hard it slams against the wall.

“Thor,” Loki murmurs, crawling up beside Thor’s sleeping frame.

Thor groans, and rolls over to face Loki. His hands brush up to Loki’s face, and he licks his lips as he stares at him. Loki leans up, kicking against the blankets, his lips press against Thor’s with an unbearable pressure. Loki needs to be closer, he climbs onto Thor’s torso, grinding against him. 

Thor lets his fingers move down Loki’s neck and his grip tightens when he reaches Loki’s hips. He flips him over, landing on top of him, and pushes back Loki long, wavy hair.

“Is anyone home?” Loki asks, temporarily breaking away from Thor’s mouth.

Thor doesn’t even stop kissing Loki, he just groans a muffled ‘no’ against Loki’s lips.

“Thor?” Fandral’s voice calls, from the bottom of the staircase.

Instantly, Thor throws Loki off. Psychically throws him to the ground, in a blind panic. 

Fandral heads up the stairs and pauses when he sees Loki just sitting on the carpet. Loki juts out his bottom jaw, but says nothing, refusing to get up from the ground.

“Get up,” Thor hisses, as he walks past Loki, kicking him softly.

“Am I, er, interrupting?” Fandral asks, quietly.

“What would you be interrupting?” Thor replies, though there’s a hint of accusation in his voice.

Loki smirks, his grin wicked and gleaming, “Because Fandral think things are going on,” he snickers.

Thor turns and gives his brother a filthy look, “Shut up, Loki,” he growls.

“Things that aren’t acceptable,” Loki continues, climbing to his feet and edging closer to Thor, “He thinks you and I-”

“Shut up, Loki!” Thor shouts, shoving Loki back causing him to topple onto the bed.

“Maybe I should go,” Fandral says, quietly, backing away.

“No, no,” Loki cooes, “Stay,”

“You’re so fucked up,” Thor snarls, grabbing Loki by collar of his shirt, “Really, really fucked up,”

Loki shrugs, and smiles sweetly as if he has no idea he’s done anything wrong.

“What is wrong with you? How did you get like this?” Thor asks, and then throws Loki back on the bed and walks out.

Fandral stands in the room, looking lost. He looks everywhere but at Loki, and pulls at loose threads in his shirt.

“Fandral, get here,” Loki murmurs, arching his back against the deep red quilt cover on Thor’s bed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Fandral replies, “I mean- I should probably go talk to Thor. He seems pretty mad, and-”

“I said get here,” Loki sighs, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing the balled-up material at Fandral.

Fandral nods, obediently, and makes his way to the bed. He pauses, but Loki doesn’t have the patience for that so he sits up and grabs Fandral. His hands, long fingers like a pianist, claw around Fandral’s neck.

Fandral leans down, his elbows on either side of Loki, and cautiously kisses him. Loki is hungry, and a tentative, sweet kiss isn’t going to feed this appetite. He growls, animalistic and panting, and crashes against Fandral. Loki snakes his arm down, and grabs Fandral’s cock through his jeans, grinding his palm against the denim.

Fandral whines, his face falling into the crook of Loki’s neck. Loki pushes harder, and Fandral writhers above him, muttering breathy pleas and Loki’s name against his pale skin.


	7. Come Back to Me, Darling

Loki wakes with Fandral still clinging to him, and he nudges him awake. Fandral yawns and smiles at Loki with a sickening look of affection. Loki wonders if he makes the same face at Thor when he wakes up next to him.

“You should probably go,” Loki says, “Thor will be home soon,”

“Right,” Fandral replies, suddenly self-conscious, “Um, yeah, course,”

Loki watches as Fandral climbs over him, and looks around for his clothing. Fandral stumbles around and quickly dresses himself in his fitted jeans that cling to his thighs and a button-up shirt. He avoids all eye contact with Loki, and tries to fix his sex-messed hair.

“Can we hang out again sometime?” Fandral asks, in a hesitant tone.

“I guess so,” Loki says, with a shrug.

Loki is bored with him already, but then the lure of someone wanting him pulls him back. The look on Fandral’s face, the craving neediness, which should be a turn-off, is like a drug. Loki knows the only real reason he wants Fandral, is because he can’t have Thor.

When they’re alone Thor gives Loki everything, but the moment he thinks anyone would ever know, he turns cold and distant. Loki acts like he doesn’t care, but it kills him inside to see that blank look Thor gives him whenever anyone else is around.

*

When Thor returns home he finds Loki on his bed.

“What’re you doing here?” Thor complains, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Waiting for you,” Loki replies, with a soft, genuine smile.

Thor sighs, but gives in, just like he always does. He lies down next to Loki, and pulls him closer. Loki shuffles around until he finds the exact spot where his body fits against Thor’s. His hips against the dip in Thor’s, and his right leg slip in-between Thor’s knees.

“I missed you,” Thor murmured, nuzzling the stubble on his chin against the smooth, white planes of Loki’s neck.

“You don’t act like it,” Loki whinges, tracing the lines of Thor’s side with cold fingertips.

“Come on, Loki,” Thor replies, frustrated, “You know why… We shouldn’t even be doing this,”

Loki groans, and gets up from the bed.

“Loki, come back,” Thor says with a sigh.

Loki shoots him a look over his shoulder, and walks out.


	8. Blood Between My Fingers, And Hatred On My Lips

“Loki?” Thor says, wincing as light suddenly floods his bedroom.

Loki sips from the bottle in his hand with such desperation that he doesn’t notice it trickling down his chin.

“How drunk are you?” Thor asks, watching Loki’s silhouette struggling to keep upright against the doorframe.

“Wasted,” Loki replies, then tumbles to the ground.

Loki pulls off his shirt, and fiddles with the button on his jeans but the drunken fingertips are numb and he can’t focus enough to pull his pants off. He tries to get into the bed, but Thor pushes him away.

“Loki, you can’t do this. Not now. Dad’s home,” Thor tells him, “Come on. Let’s get you to bed,”

“Fuck off!” Loki spits, bitterly.

Thor lays a chaste kiss to Loki’s lips, and Loki bites Thor’s lip in aggression. Thor pulls away and presses a thumb to his bleeding lip.

“What the fuck, Loki?” Thor fumes, rubbing the drying blood between his thumb and forefinger.

Loki throws the empty bottle at Thor and staggers off to his bedroom, pausing to throw up in the hallway. He tumbles to the carpet, hands grazing the looped wool, and lands just shy of the vomit.

“Loki? You okay?” Thor whispers into the darkness, rushing to help Loki up.

Loki grunts in response, and Thor hushes him. He kneels down, and lifts Loki with his hands securing him under his armpits.

“You need to be more quiet,” Thor murmurs, “Dad will hear you, and you know what he’s like,”

Loki is starting to feel dizzy, and is close to passing out so he just leans his weight on Thor and clutches the fabric of his shirt.

“If you can’t be with me,” Loki slurs, “Then I’m done. If you- if you won’t be with me all the time, then I don’t want to be with you anymore,”

“You’re drunk, you don’t mean that,” Thor replies, carefully placing Loki on the floor then going to get something to clean up with.

“I do fucking mean it,” Loki spat after him, leaning his forehead in his hands.

Thor returns and starts cleaning the vomit up. He kneels down and scrubs at the floor, trying his best not to gag, “Why do you do this to yourself? You know how alcohol affects you. It makes you melancholy, and dramatic,”

“Thor, fucking listen to me!” Loki shouts.

“Shh!” Thor growls, “We’ll talk about this in the morning,”

Thor guides Loki to his bedroom, and pulls back the emerald-green silk sheets. He slips off Loki’s gray high-tops and shimmies off the black jeans. Loki watches him, through half-closed eyes as the alcohol spins in his head.

Thor covers Loki’s frail body, and in that moment, he realizes just how much the constant intake of alcohol has taken its toll on the pale, sickly frame under the sheet.

“We’re talking about this now,” Loki groans, latching onto Thor’s arm and yanking him down to the bed.

“Fine,” Thor spits with venomous spite, “You want to talk about this? Let’s talk. What do you expect me to do? You are my brother, Loki. My brother, for fuck’s sake! I shouldn’t have ever-…it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. But I can’t - it’s not right,”

Loki squints at him, and can’t tell if any of what Thor just said made sense, or if the alcohol is preventing him from processing words correctly.

“If you can’t just accept it, then I’ll find someone else,” Loki says, in a desperate attempt of blackmailing and bullying, “I’ll find anyone. I don’t even care. Don’t think you were special,”

Thor closes his eyes, just for a moment, and breathes out slowly. Then the spitefulness so deeply engrained in Loki has shifted and now seems to be forming words in Thor’s mouth.

“Who the fuck would ever want you?” Thor growls, “You’re a drunk, and a whore. You’re a sleazy liar. Face it, no-one would ever take you, except me. No-one will ever want you. I’m all you’ve got. I’m the best you’ll ever do, and I’m far too good for you. We both know it,”

When he sees the hurt flicker across Loki’s face, there’s a twisting in his gut and he desperately wishes to take it back. He hadn’t meant a single word of it.

The arrogant, condescending, holier-than-thou Loki that everyone knew was nothing more than a fake, a mask Loki had put up to defend himself. Yet Thor was so mad he went for it, attacking Loki where he knew it would hurt the most.

“I think you’ve made your point,” Loki snarls, “You can leave now,”


	9. Nothing Like What You Were

Loki is lying in the dark, on his bedroom floor, when Thor decides to bust into the room. He stalks over, without saying a word, and grabs Loki by the back of his pants and pulls him to his feet.

“Knew you couldn’t stay away,” Loki grins and it’s a lopsided and smug smirk.

“Fuck off,” Thor replies, shoving Loki back against the wall.

“Of all the people,” Thor growls, frustration and anger on his face, “Of all the people you could’ve chosen, and you chose Fandral!?”

This time Loki laughs, he giggles to himself in a sick, almost sadistic kind of way that sends chills up Thor’s spine. The laugh is low, and not like Loki’s usual laugh at all.

“Why him?” Thor asks, “Was it to make me mad?”

“Don’t you remember? No-one would ever want me,” Loki replies, still laughing in that unsettling manner, “Then Fandral did. He’s such a nice boy, isn’t he? Shame he got corrupted by that nasty snake, Loki, isn’t it? That’s what people will say,”

Thor doesn’t reply for a long time, he just stands there staring at the form in front of him, wondering what happened to his brother. Where did it all go so wrong? Was he to blame? He should have protected Loki, against the schoolyard bullies…against himself. 

“Are you going to hit me?” Loki asks, wicked grin etching deeper into his face, “Hurt me? Serve out some sort of revenge?”

Thor closes his eyes, and bites his bottom lip. He can’t even stand to look at Loki right now. To be frank, he’s not even sure if this is really Loki. If magic were possible, is science did not prove otherwise, he could’ve sworn the boy before him was a mere illusion.

“I can’t be near you, not anymore,” Thor finally says, clearing his throat to cover the shake in his voice.

“Suits me just fine,” Loki replies, a forced lazy arrogance in his voice to hide the frightened lonely boy inside.

*

Fandral likes to talk after sex. Loki does not. 

Loki rolls over onto his side and tries to pretend he’s fallen asleep, but there’s no such luck as Fandral gently props his head on Loki’s shoulder. 

“What are you thinking about?” Fandral asks, his voice so sweet, sincere and soft it makes Loki want to hurl.

“Nothing,” Loki replies, bluntly and rolls onto his back.

Fandral leans against his body, but not the way Thor does. There’s no perfect place where Loki’s shoulder fits, and Fandral doesn’t brush his fingers through his hair like Thor used to.

“Do you ever think you’re adopted?” Fandral asks, swirling his fingers over Loki’s bare chest.

“Why?” Loki asks, for the time being he is just amusing himself.

“You look nothing like Thor,” Fandral says, “Or your mom, or your dad. I mean, there are no common traits there at all,”

Loki squints at him, but decides to ignore it.

“They can do tests now, you know,” Fandral adds, “You can get them online. You just send away like, a hair sample or something. We’re learning about it in science,”

Loki frowns, and tries to ignore the idea, but it won’t go away. He tries to push it from his mind, but it keeps returning like a parasite, or a wound that just keeps bleeding.


	10. Ours, And Ours Alone

Thor and Loki sit across from each other at the dining table, making small talk to appear normal. Thor constantly shifts in his seat, and tries desperately to avoid looking directly at him, while Loki does the opposite - staring at Thor like he's helpless prey.

Loki watches Thor, over the plastic-rim glasses he occasionally wears, while he sucks sauce from his fingers slowly. The slender finger dips into his mouth, rosy lips tightening around it as his tongue swipes across. Thor flinches, and turns away.

Loki keeps his eyes locked on Thor, and the blonde is like a deer - startled with wide eyes, and unable to move.

Loki stretches his long, spindly legs out underneath the table.  
A devilish smile creeps onto Loki’s face as he nudges Thor’s knees apart with his left foot, and rubs his gray high-top against Thor’s inner thigh.  
Thor jolts in his seat, the wind knocked from his lungs.

“Thor, sweetie, is everything alright?” Frigga asks, looking concerned.

Thor clears his throat and hurriedly gets up from the table, tugging his red sweatshirt over his crotch and stuffing his hands into the front pocket.

His eyes dart around the room, and Frigga raises an eyebrow at him.

“I just remembered something,” Thor mutters in one quick slurred word.

The self-satisfied smirk on Loki’s face is obvious, but Frigga and Odin never notice him. They never so much as look at him so, as usual, Loki is left alone while everyone rushes to Thor’s aid.

*

Later in the evening, Loki is sitting on the roof, smoking and Thor clambers up and sits next to him. It’s the first time in almost a week that they’ve been alone together.

“You can’t do that kind of stuff,” Thor says, after staring at Loki for quite some time, “Not with mom and dad around,”

“You haven’t even looked me in the eye for days,” Loki replies, exhaling curling smoking into the night sky, “I had no other way to get your attention,”

“We’re sick, aren’t we?” Thor replies, quietly.

Loki pauses and turns to stare at Thor.

Thor has a delicateness to him that no-one else sees except Loki. Everyone just sees Thor as the happy-go-lucky football jock, and only Loki knows about the fragility inside - the whispered words, and gentle touches he’s capable of.

Loki shuffles over to Thor, and leans his head on his brothers’ shoulder.

“Yeah, we’re sick,” Loki replies, rubbing his cold hands together.

Thor cautiously reaches an arm around Loki, and pulls him closer to his side. His hands skim over Loki’s thin, pale green t-shirt and gray vest.

“You wouldn’t be this cold if you dressed properly,” Thor teases, but there’s uneasiness in his voice, and his mocking tone falters as his hand rests Loki’s ripped jeans. Thor’s warm fingers dig through the threads and make contact with Loki’s freezing skin.

“We can’t just joke around like – like, bros,” Loki says, stumbling over the term ‘bro’ as though it leaves a taste in his mouth, “It’s not like that anymore,”

Thor hums in agreement, but can’t bring himself to say anything. He doesn’t like to talk about ‘it’ – whatever their relationship is.

“Fandral thinks I’m adopted,” Loki says, trying to change the subject, because he doesn’t like to talk about ‘it’ either. As far as he’s concerned, whatever he and Thor have, it’s theirs and theirs alone.

“W-What?” Thor splutters, as though it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. He jolts back suddenly and nearly knocks Loki flying backward.

There's something about the tone and overacting in Thor's replies, that makes Loki feel sick.

“Do you know something that I don’t?” Loki asks, half-jokingly but with an undeniable hint of accusation.


	11. What Is, And What You Never Wanted To Be

“Course not,” Thor murmurs, rubbing Loki’s back.

“I swear, if you-” Loki begins, but Thor cuts him off by pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Don’t!” Loki grunts, pushing Thor back, “Don’t kiss me, just to shut me up. I’m trying to have a conversation,”

Thor sighs, and hugs Loki tightly. His thumb rubs over the pulse along Loki’s neck while his other arm secures around his waist.

Thor opens his mouth, he tries to mumble ‘I love you,’ but can’t say it, instead all that he manages is, “Can’t we talk about this later?”

Loki shakes his head, and hitches his leg over Thor’s.

Thor pulls him up onto his lap, and gently tucks Loki’s long hair behind his ears. Loki is the perfect size to curl up against Thor, and sit in his lap. Loki’s knees press to his chest, and he feels Thor’s breath on the back of his neck and for a moment he believes maybe they could live like this, just for a while.

*

“I sent away for the test,” Loki announces, leaning his back against Thor’s chest.

Loki’s spine fits to the curves of Thor’s body, and his Thor’s arms tighten around him instantly. For that moment, Loki felt safe and wanted. The only time Loki ever feels those things is when he’s around Thor.

“Just because Fandral said-” Thor asks.

“No. It’s…I’ve been excluded at home, excluded at school. Do you know how that feels? At least if I knew I was adopted, I’d know why-”

“Why?” Thor asks, resting his head on Loki’s shoulder, “Why do you need some stupid test? What’s it going to prove?”

“Thor. I’m doing the test, okay. It’s not that big of a deal. If I’m not adopted, then things stay the same,” Loki shrugs, “And if…”

“And what if you are? Huh? What happens to us?” Thor asks, his voice shaking and soft.

“There is no ‘us’. Don’t you get that, Thor?” Loki replies, getting up and trying to walk away from Thor.

“What? Is it that fucking simple to you?! Don’t walk away from me!” Thor snarls.

Thor grabs his wrist and pulls him back.

“Thor, if I’m not your brother, than that’s that,” Loki says.

“Do you understand what being your brother means? It’s not about genetics and shit! I’m your brother, I look out for you, and I care about you! For fucks sake, does that mean nothing to you?!” Thor growls, trying to keep his voice quiet.

Loki sighs, and stares at his shoes. There’s nothing he can say.

Thor gives Loki one last look, then turns his back and walks off. It seems like that’s all they do lately. It’s just a vicious cycle of sex, fights, ignorance and walking away only to come back and start all over again.


	12. This Was Always How It Was Going To End, Wasn't It?

“I got the test results,” Loki murmurs, leaning against Thor’s doorframe.

“So what?” Thor growls, keeping his back turned.

“Thor, please,” Loki says, his voice shakes and he tries to choke back the tears he can feel threatening to flood down his cheeks.

Thor sighs, he can’t ignore Loki when he’s upset. Thor gets up from his bed and pulls Loki into his arms, letting Loki nuzzle against his chest.

“Did you open the letter yet?” Thor asks, quietly, his fingers tracing across the edge of the envelope stuffed into Loki’s back pocket.

Loki shakes his head, his forehead resting against Thor’s chest. Thor shivers as he feels a dampness soak his t-shirt, Loki quivers against him and claws at his back, tugging on the cotton material.

“Stay with me, stay with me,” Loki murmurs, repeatedly, “Just stay with me,”

Thor feels sick to his stomach, Loki’s voice so fragile and scared ringing in his ears like a record on a continuous loop in an empty room, and he can do absolutely nothing to stop it.

Thor lets Loki cry, lets him sob until he can finally breathe properly, and then sits him down on the floor. Thor sits across from him and watches as Loki pulls the envelope from his pocket and places it on the carpet. The white envelope, just a piece of paper, lies on the floor and threatens to ruin everything they’ve worked so hard to build.

“You know, you could just throw it out. You could just burn it, you don’t have to open it,” Thor says, unable to stop staring at the paper.

“Thor, I have to know-” Loki begins.

“Why?” Thor shouts, unaware of just how loud his voice echoed in the room, as he his hands form shaking fists, “Why can’t you just leave things well enough alone?! _We_ were just fine! Dammit, _everything_ was fine!”

Loki bites his lip, “Thor-”

“Goddammit Loki!” Thor interrupts, “Why couldn’t it be enough?!”

“Why couldn’t _what_ have been enough?” Loki asks, softly.

“Me!” Thor yells, and his voice becomes an almost-screeching sound, “Why couldn’t I be enough for you?”

Loki’s face crumples, his eyebrows knit together and his bottom lip shakes. Thor knows he’s about to start crying again, but he’s so angry he can’t spare any empathy.

Loki wipes his eyes on his sleeve and tries to look Thor in the eye, but can’t bring himself to. He swallows a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and he suddenly feels so cold.

“Loki, it doesn’t matter that you’re adopted,” Thor says, gently, “You’ve always been my-”

“Wh-what did you just say?” Loki stammers.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re-”

“No! N-no, you said ‘ _that_ ’, not if,”

“So?”

“You knew! You _fucking_ knew the whole fucking time!”

“Loki-”

“No!” Loki growls, pointing at Thor, “No, do not fucking lie to me again. Just tell me the truth for once! How long have you known?!”

Thor bites his lip, and exhales slowly. He’s shaking and his mouth feels dry. He can’t do this.

The way Loki is looking at him now is bad, but it’s going to be so much worse when he finds out the truth.

“Tell me!” Loki shouts, “TELL ME!”

Thor rubs his hand down his face, stubble scratching softly, and looks at Loki with the most pitiful expression.

“Loki, please. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry-” Thor begins, but this time Loki is the one interrupting.

“Just tell me!” Loki hisses.

“I-I’ve always known,” Thor says, barely above a whisper, and lets his head drop to his hands.

“Fuck you!” Loki screams, breaking voice and pouring tears, “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”

“Loki, you’re still my br-” Thor says, trying to calm Loki down.

“I’m not your brother!” Loki spits, slapping Thor’s hand away, “I never was!”

Thor rolls his lips between his teeth, and tries not to cry at the sight of Loki looking so broken and hurt.

“Good-bye, Thor,” Loki whispers, and stomps on the still-closed envelope as he walks out.

*

“Hey, Thor,” Fandral shouts, skipping up the stairs, “Bro, I-…woah, are you okay?”

“He’s gone,” Thor says, quietly, scrubbing his face with the heel of his hand, “He just walked out,”

“Loki?” Fandral asks, sitting down beside Thor on the bed.

Thor nods, no longer able to even stammer out words.

“Don’t worry, he does that all the time,” Fandral replies, “He disappears for days at a time, and then he comes back. He’ll be fine,”

“No!” Thor splutters, spit flying from his quivering lips, “He’s not coming back this time,”

Fandral looks down, and sees the desperation in Thor’s face. He softly places a hand on Thor’s back and tries to think of something, anything, to say.

But then he realizes there _is_ nothing to say.

Nothing can make this okay.

~Fini~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to the ending,
> 
> I'd always planned to have an ending where Loki just walked out, and for once, didn't come back.
> 
> I am sorry if this disappoints anyone.
> 
> In my mind, Fandral always kind-of knew about Loki and Thor but because he wasn't really comfortable with it, so he just ignored it. Not to say he saw anything that proved there was anything between them, but like he said, people talk.
> 
> Also, I know Loki's ending with Fandral seemed kind of odd, but the reason why Fandral doesn't react the way one might think he would is because he knows how upset Thor is and now isn't the time to bring up his feelings about Loki. Fandral also knows Thor wasn't happy with he and Loki being together in the first place.
> 
> Also, yes, I did make Fandral ~skip upstairs. I don't take that back. He's a hipster who skips. Don't question my logic.


End file.
